I know that I had things I should have done the last couple of weeks, (like a couple of on line classes,) but this time have been a blurr. I picked up a virus from one of the grand children and have been confined to bed, (at least the house) . I would wake in the morning, after being awake most of the night because I couldn't breath properly and come into my sewing room and sit at the computer and pretend to myself that I am busy, then back to lying down. I was diagnosed with viral pneumonia but had forgotten that I suffer from asthma. It was only exercise induced asthma and I wasn't moving. (I need to get to the shop to buy more flowers for the house, these are dieing.)
Then I realised that I had been ill for nearly three weeks, and hadn't been out of the house for two. My husband wasn't home and I wanted a coffee so I walked the one block to the coffee shop. Bad move. Next thing I knew I was in the doctors surgery with a mask over my face and hearing him say he thought I should be hospitalised.
The upshot of all this has been that I have more antibiotics to take for the infection to my lungs and am now classified an asthmatic, as well as the other conditions, and have to take another lot of medication every day. The good part is I can breath, my mind is returning and I will be a lot better soon. But I need to reassess my life. I am going to have to work out how to manage my health not just ignore it, push on and say it will pass. (I love these flowers)
I have lived with a cronic illness all my life and took the approach that I would live every moment to the full because there might not be another. I kept jumping over the barriers but now I have hit a wall. I had thought that giving up full time work would take the pressure off but I have filled that space with teaching, committees and responsibilities.
Looking back I can see that I have been at this point a number of times in my life. Mostly I made good but difficult decisions about change. I don't have as many options now that I am getting older but that is what life is all about. Learning how to live with what you have and doing the best you can with it. All this doesn't slow down that voice inside that notices everything around me, questions, is inquisitive about everything and drives me on. That voice needs a good talking to about what is appropriate. I know, you like the way the buds on those flowers open up. Now stop it because I have to consider other things.